I love this sweet family. They were one of the first people to ever start paying me for family photos about a year and a half ago, so I felt REALLY old seeing how changed they were at this shoot. Mila is gorgeous and incredibly smart for her age, and Faith is now walking/stumbling/falling around on her own. It's amazing what a couple of years can mean, especially for these little babes. So much fun.
So...Thanksgiving really couldn't come fast enough at this point. I've done pretty well with managing time, stress, etc this semester, but with everything starting to wrap up, it's getting a little manic. It feels really strange, though, as if I'm not just finishing up a semester, but actually finishing up a chapter in my life. Even with all of the stress and havoc around me, I'm standing completely still for a moment and taking it in. After graduating high school, I thought the next chapter "ending" would be college graduation. I'm only a sophomore, but I'm feeling...nostalgic, I guess would be the most appropriate word.
I'm typing this in my bed at the sorority house with only a few weeks left of calling this place home. Living with 19 girls has been the most fun and the most frustrating experience of my life. I've learned so many lessons that I could have NEVER been taught on a chalkboard. Sometimes I feel like that's what college is all about, though. Yes, I have to study, yes, I write an ungodly amount of papers and yes, I literally pay these people to put this stress on me (self-inflicted?). But besides learning the necessary skills for a future job (which could probably be crammed into less than a year of studies), the four years of college are to make us learn how to...be. It forces us to learn to live with strangers, to get along with people for group projects, to get things done under stress. When people ask, "Why do I need to know this for the future?"...my theory is that you don't. What you do need to know is how to get to class on time. You need to learn how to be completely lost in a subject and feel like you're on the brink of failing, and do everything in your power to get yourself above water. It's survival, and whether you're at Harvard or a technical school, nothing teaches it better than these four years following high school.
Further nostalgia: I just heard an ambulance scream past my window headed to Grady, wondering who's in the back and if they're okay. What happened? Will they be able to be helped? Is this the last year I'll fall asleep to sirens? When I'm at the airport, where is everyone going? Are they on a business trip, going to see family, escaping reality or headed home? Why won't the Georgia State student who got shot this week just a few streets away from my house be able to live his full life? How is that fair?
You're never supposed to tell people what you wish for, whether it's on a birthday cake, 11:11, an eyelash...whatever. And with how superstitious I am, I believe that 100%. Once they come true, though, why not? It can't be undone. So...a long time ago, I made a wish that I wanted to feel everyone else's pain, happiness, joys and sorrows. I wanted to be able to watch the news and cry for the old lady that got scammed by the mechanic. I want to feel the struggle of the homeless man that has been sitting on the stoop outside of my building ever since I moved in months ago. I want to feel bad enough for the server that got yelled at then stiffed at the restaurant I ate at last night, that I leave an extra tip for her, too. I want to cry for the woman who lost her child in Hurricane Sandy, I want to hurt for all of the animals and children that will never be able to get adopted and I want to smile and shed a tear for the military man getting off the plane, hugging his wife so tight that you'd think he'd never let go.
Whether you want to believe it was thanks to those five seconds of silence before I blew out the candles on that birthday cake, through some kind of prayer, or if it came true simply because I believed it could, it has. It's not all of a sudden, it's not new and it's never going to change. It's how I view life. I truly believe that being able to put myself in that different perspective, being able to feel the deepest of sadness and have my heart break with others, has made me capable to see the sheer happiness and beauty of life itself that I wouldn't be able to see as clearly any other way. And I am so thankful for that.
Happy November, y'all!
xo, Siren Lullabies
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